A God Who Weeps

This coming Sunday marks six months since my brother and best friend passed from this life and returned home to our Father in Heaven.  I have been pondering a lot on the things that I have learned or been reminded of over these past six months.

1. The biggest thing is that our God is a God who weeps. He never leaves us.  He never expected us to go through this life alone.  He is always there right besides us.  He knows and feels our emotions and struggles.  He rejoices with us when we rejoice and He weeps with us when we weep.

2.In the New Testament in John 11 it talks about the Savior when He is told that Lazarus has died.  When He saw Mary weep, he also wept.
Sister Linda S. Reeves said
"...Our Savior has taken upon Himself not only all our sins but also our pains and our suffering and afflictions so that He can know what we feel and how to comfort us."


3.Today in institute we were looking at Hymn # 136 I know that my Redeemer lives.  We were asked to look at the words and see what stood out to us.

He lives to grant me rich supply.
I cannot even begin to explain the blessings that I have received in the past six months.  I have had great roommates and wonderful wards in these six months.  I have been able to have multiple jobs and the ability to juggle all of them with school.

He lives to guide me with His eye.
I have needed His guidance a lot lately.  I am in my final semester of college and am preparing to enter the real world.  He has put opportunities in my path that I didn't realize could lead to a full time job after graduation.  I have been blessed with various callings that I didn't know that I needed, but I know that he needed me to fill them. Some days I feel so inadequate but He shows me the potential that I have to accomplish His will for me.

He lives to comfort me when faint.  He live to hear my soul's complaint.
He lives to silence all my fears.  He lives to wipe away my tears. 
He lives to calm my troubled heart.  He lives all blessing to impart.  

He knows the nights that I have cried myself to sleep and questioned why things have to happen the way that they do.  He knows when I desperately need to talk to my brother and I cry because I can't.  But, my Savior is always there to talk to.  I can ask Him the exactly same things I would ask Josh.  He provided a way for us to be reunited with our family again after this life.  He provided a way that we can return to Him.  He loves us, he is always there for us, he is with us every step of the way.  He wants only what is best for us.  He weeps with us.

God's Plan is Perfect

About a month and a half ago I was preparing my Relief Society lesson.  I came across a phrase that has stayed with me ever since.  The phrase was "God's plan is perfect".  I have always known that the plan that our Heavenly Father had prepared for us was perfect, but in recent weeks this thought has given me so much peace and comfort.  My little brother Josh drowned three weeks ago this past Friday.  I remember when my mom called me and told me that Josh was missing.  On the outside I was freaking out but on the inside I felt so much peace.  Honestly, I was surprised that I felt this way. I felt bad that I wasn't distraught as many people thought I should be.  I know that this is because of the peace that the gospel brings.  I know exactly where my brother is.  This gives me so much comfort.  A lady that works with my mom came up to us at the viewing, she was so sad.  She is not a member of our church, but when she came up to us she said "I'm so glad that you have your religion and that you know where Josh is".  I too am grateful that we have our religion, that we know of God's plan, that we know where Josh is and that one day we will be with him again.
I know that God has a plan for each of our lives.  I know that sometimes we do not understand why things happen the way that they do.  This is summer I have been doing an internship in Provo.  I had planned on staying in Logan for the summer, but I didn't get any of the internships that I applied for there.  I accepted the job in Provo and as a result I got to spend the whole summer with Josh.  This was the longest time I had spent with Josh since before I left on my mission.  Josh left on his mission a month after I got home from mine, so by the time that he got home last October it had been almost three and a half years since we had really been together.  When Josh got home I was in Logan going to school and then in January he started at BYU.  I was so excited to spent the entire summer with him because it had been so long since we had gotten to spend a lot of time together.   We got to go to institute together and just hang out.  Josh and I would go on a walk around BYU every Sunday.  We talked about dating, politics, spiritual things and just life in general.  I could talk to Josh about anything.  I know that God gave me this opportunity to spend this summer with Josh.  I also know that this was not the only reason I came to Provo.  I've really loved being in Provo this summer.  I've had some of the best roommates that I've ever had.  In the three years that I've been home from my mission I've never had visiting teachers.  This summer I was blessed with the most wonderful visiting teacher! God knew that I needed her in my life right now. God's Plan is perfect.
My little sister got married in June.  It was a perfect day.  Our entire family got to be in the sealing room together.  They weren't planning on getting married until August but because of schedules and school June was the best time for them to get married.  Once again God's plan is perfect.

I'm completely at peace with Josh's death, but that doesn't mean that I don't cry or miss him.  I think about him everyday.  Some things just aren't the same.  I can't drive around with him while we sing Taylor Swift at the top of our lungs.  I can't get talk to him for hours or have wet willy wars with him.  But know that all of this happened for a reason.   I read something the other day that said "When someone we love becomes a memory those memories become a treasure".  My memories of Josh are a great treasure.  I know that God has another plan for Josh at this time and that he is much needed on the other side.  I know that God loves each of us and because he loves us so much he sent a Savior to earth.  I know that through our Savior's atonement everything that seems unfair in this life can be made up in the next life.  I know this because God's plan is perfect.

His timing

I have had a lot of thoughts going through my head lately and I figured that I should write them down. I have been pondering a lot lately about life and what the future holds in store for me.  I am graduating from BYU-Idaho in two weeks with my associates and then in the fall I am starting at Utah State. This was a really big decision for me to make.  I love BYU-Idaho and I swore that I would stay up here and finish my bachelors, but I have recently discovered that the Lord has other plans for me.  During the Fall I was working on the grounds crew at temple square.  Every one I worked with there graduated from Utah State and always talked about how much they loved it.  They asked me all of the time, why I wasn't going to Utah State.  I always just said that I was content at BYU-Idaho.On my last day my boss called me into his office to tell me that he really appreciated the great job I did. Then he started asking about my plans for the future.  He asked me what I was going into and where I was going to school.  I told him that I was studying Horticulture at BYU-Idaho and that I was planning on going into Landscape Design.  He then asked me if I wanted to do Landscape Design or Landscape Architecture. I told him that I really wanted to do Landscape Architecture, but BYU-I only had a Landscape Design program. He then looked me in the eye and told me that I really needed to consider going to Utah State because they had the only accredited Landscape Architecture program in the state.  I kind of brushed it off, but I really loved BYU-Idaho.  As I was driving back home I couldn't stop thinking about Utah State.  When I got home I got on the internet and looked at their program. It really just made sense to me.  That night my mom and I went to get our hair cut. I really wanted to talk to my mom about it, but I was a little nervous (Mostly because I am super indecisive and I change my mind very frequently, especially when it comes to things that have to do with school and majors-That is why by my 5th semester of college I had already changed my major three times and was debating about doing it again).  I decided that I would just throw it out there and see what my mom thought. I just kind of casually threw it out there and we started talking about it.  My mom liked the idea and she told me that I didn't have anything to lose by applying. The more and more we talked about it the more and more it really started making sense.  I went home that night and I prayed about it.  I felt really strongly that it was what I needed to do. So, the very next day I started my application.  I realized how important the Lord's timing is.  I had debated about transferring from BYU-I before my mission, but it didn't really feel right and I was so stressed about school and preparing for a mission, that I just set it aside.  I realize now, that it wasn't supposed to happen then, but now it is right.  But, of course, whenever you try to do something you feel is right, Satan gets in the way and tries to make you doubt.  I kept thinking "what if I don't get in?"  Then my common sense said " Becky, everybody gets into Utah State and if you felt it was right, then you will get in!"  I just had keep reminding myself of that.  Then, last week for one of my Horticulture classes, we went on a field trip down to Utah.  We went and visited a bunch of different businesses in the Horticulture industry.  We went and visited this landscape designer that graduated from BYU-Idaho.  She just kept ragging on Utah State and saying that their Landscape Architecture program wasn't very good and that the people that graduated from there weren't very good.  I guess the reason it bothered me the most is that everything she said wasn't true.  She had never been there and she didn't know very much about their program.  As she was talking I was just thinking about how this was Satan trying to get me to change my mind and not go to Utah State. There was an elder on my mission and every time an appointment canceled or something bad happened he would stomp on the ground and yell "Dang it Satan! I hate you!"  As I was listening to this person talk I wanted to do the exact same thing as this elder.  I know that I am doing what the Lord wants me to do.  I just keep having to tell myself that every single day.
The most important thing is to trust in him and his timing.  He can see the entire playing field and we can't.  We just need to let him take us by the hand and lead us.

What do we stand for?

Former British Prime Minister Margret Thatcher said "You use the name of Deity in the Declaration of Indepence and in the Constitution of the United States, and yet you cannot use it in the schoolroom." We live in a country that was founded on belief in God. Why can we not mention the very principles this great nation was founded on in the classroom? One of the mottos of this country is "In God we Trust", yet we cannot even mention his name in secular settings. We say we trust in God and we swear by him in our court system, but it seems we have abandoned him in all other aspects.

The Explorer

He gathers his belongings,
He will not return for sometime, if ever
He's setting out on a journey,
to forge a path that has never before been explored.

We may not think of ourselves as
one fo the many great explorers,
like, Columbus or Magellan, but
We are all explorers in this life,
Our path has never before been explored.

Each day is a new trail,
a new path to forge,
a new road to explore.

Rain

I get excited everytime I see the dark clouds roll across the valley.
I love how the soft pitter patter changes into the loud thuds of the gigantic drops.
As I child I looked forward to the days when it would rain. I loved singing songs like Rain, rain, go away, come again another day or It's raining, it's pouring. I loved singing these songs, but never wishing for a moment for the rain to cease and come again another day. I remember pressing my ear to the wall so I could hear the pouring rain. I loved the pitter patter of the rain on the windows of the house. Whenever it would rain all of the neighborhood kids running through the rain filled gutters up and down the street I lived. I still look for the dark luminous clouds to roll in and for the rain to wash the earth clean again.

The Light

I was sitting deep within the dark cave of a mountain this afternoon and for whatever reason we turned off the light we had been using to guide our path through the cave. I couldn't see anything in front of me. I had the choice to back further into the cold dark cave or to find my way out. I chose to go back the way I had come on my hands and knees so that I would again be reunited with the light. I forged ahead going back the way I had come back towards the entrance of the cave. Life is like being in a cave. It's dark and sometimes we don't know where to go. We can either plunge further into the darkness and despair or we can get down on our hands and knees and pray to our Heavenly Father to find the light and find our direction. We are not truely in the dark, there is always a way out, all we have to do is put our faith in the Lord and He will direct us.